Monday, January 07, 2008

Looking Back

Wrote this one sometime in November but never got around to posting it.

...I have about a dozen novels lined up to be read, each one bought very thoughtfully, ones that I want to read slowly, allowing them to sink in. I have my new guitar on which I want to play so many things that I cant even start to list them.... I want to roam around in my new bike and visit new places.....

The new guitar happens to be an electric one instead of the acoustic and the focus has shifted from finger plucking and chord playing to leads. The number of 'to be read' novels has reduced to half. Movie going and eating out have not been able to keep up to the frantic pace of last year. The urge to travel has only intensified, satiated by the occasional bike trip and the trek.

A lot has happened without actually anything happening.

There was quite a bit of traveling. A long trip to a new home. Short ones elsewhere. Some filled with disillusionment, some marked by hope. Some filled with anticipation and others still, characterized by indifference. Sms-ing, talking on the phone before the flight takes off, checking out the air hostesses, hoping for a pretty girl to sit on the next seat, spending the 3 hour long flight reading a book and just thinking about the trip that was or the one that would be; the airports and the flights have made a little story for themselves.

I've discovered and rediscovered music. I've immensely enjoyed listening to songs. Much more than the few posts would suggest. They have seen me through during my gloomiest of days. As have the books. Particularly the ones by an author named Orhan Pamuk. And each one of the half a dozen live concerts has been worth every minute. From my first Rock Concert (Deep Purple) to the Ghulam Ali, Jagjit Singh Ghazal night and the Flamenco song and dance concert; each one of the experiences was unique.

I have had my patience tested. I haven't had most of the things going for me. I have been told to keep the faith and wait. Strangely, at times I have managed to separate myself from my life and laugh at it. Like everybody I know, the million questions about life have haunted me. I have found myself oscillating from living the moment and being the happiest man I know to thinking about the past and the future and getting perturbed and sad. I have tried to hold on to those fleeting moments of clarity and have, at the next instant, found myself drowning in the sea of confusion.

And I have had some wonderful moments in between. Some unforgettable memories and a few instances of unrestrained exhilaration. There have been a few firsts too. Ecstasy and anger, helplessness and calmness, frustration and understanding, knowing and anxiety, longing and desperation, connect and indifference; it surely has been a mixed bag but I would rather have all of it than not have it at all.

Today, I just happened to think about how it was like a year ago. Same time, last year. And that's where this post is rooted. Yes, its been different from any other year in my life. Exciting and unique in itself. I've found myself changing. There has been a lot of self discovery. I've 'grown up' I think. At least a little. I have never been the one to predict or look into the future. But if anything, I hope the next year has a different 'label' to it. This one, though, has been quite a story in itself.

1 comment:

sunny said...

Looks like a rocking year! I didn't even read 1 book, nothing on guitar front, no concerts, no travelling!!

What am I doing??????