Remember the first time your father let go of the bicycle and you discovered one of the most amazing miracles of everyday life, your first crush in school, the first day in college, the first drink...... There's something about these firsts which persist in our memory irrespective of their actual quality. So are the lasts, but I will leave them for some other day, some other time. For now let me celebrate the new firsts that have been happening day in day out in my life.
After three weeks of intensive search finally we had our house, a first of sorts for most of us. The peculiar house renting rules in Bangalore meant that I had the priviledge of writing the first cheque (2 in fact) of my life. And what a first that was. With one swift stroke of my hand, Rs 1.5 lakh had been payed to our landlord, albeit in a postdated manner. The first salary followed soon after, soured somewhat by the hefty amount that the IT took away. Strangely I didn't feel anything particularly exciting on receiving the salary. The transition to the salaried class was very everyday to say the least.
A couple of days ago I had a chat with a very close friend and that too after quite some time. To say that it was one of the highpoints of my life after coming to Bangalore wouldn't be an overstatement. I have always seen him as one of the most level headed guys around. The clarity of thought he presents when you are talking with him tends to leave you amazed though there are some topics in which this very same clarity and in depth knowledge makes you run for cover. Anyway, if you happen to be regular reader of my blog, you would know that I have Lost Control, and though I am yet nowhere near finding the solution, yet chatting with my friend was so soothing that I felt a strange calm descend on me after that. He told me how even he is unsure in his own way of his life ahead, in a different level and context though. We chatted for quite a while on these issues, of life and finding a calling and in between he came up with his trademark straight-from-a-science-journal advices. I don't know whether it was what he said to me (which was mostly on the lines of take it easy and it happens to everyone) or simply the effect of talking to someone you like, someone you look up to in a certain way, someone who knows you, I went back home a happier man.
It's strange to think about the number of things we demand to stay happy, to feel in control of ourselves, to live. The first few days in office were without any instant messenger, GMail or Orkut and needless to say we were almost at our wits end. At home there was no TV and no computer. A month into this city and the home still looks the same though the office space has changed to only "No Orkut ". The one thing that has significantly changed though is that it doesn't affect me anymore. The hiatus from orkut hasn't stopped my life. It hasn't infact changed anything so as to say. I still talk to people who matter to me. I wouldn't mind having a TV when I come back from office, but its absence has meant that I spend more time reading Thomas Friedman's wonderful commentary of the age that we live in, titled The World Is Flat.
I think we tend to bring more and more things in our lives in an attempt to make it happier, more comfortable, more liveable and more engrossing and end up making it more complex and more dependent.
I don't know what's making me think about all these things these days. I was never the person to think about anything other than the present. I have acted on instincts in most of my decisions in my life. Maybe the lack of work is prompting me to have all these thoughts in my mind, maybe its the first job blues which has triggered off this introspection phase. Whatever it is, the one thing that is definite in all this sea of confusion and chaos is that right now I am doing what I like doing the most.......talking to me.
4 comments:
Sahi Dost !! It was a nice one indeed !!! I have seen almost everybody pondering where they are headed .. and most want to make up for having lead a (more-or-less) aimless life at IIT ..... and I see that pondering has not taken anybody anywhere .. they start cribbing at their second job ... I think the best thing would be to take a strong decision quickly and follow the path without thinking about its hurdles ... All it comes down is to making that conscious decision ..
Nice to see YOU thinking that much!!! And well, when you have work, you will still think about it, now that you have started thinking.
And who was the one advising you to get married? You have to do an MBA first, remember??
lovely beginning.........your first crush in school, the first day in college, the first drink....I was hoping for more, but nevertheless..:).....well balaji! for a decision, clear cut choices should be present, and if you are not sure about the choices either, that quickly-chosen-path wouldn't be such a good idea!
one thing i hav to agree. wen v didnt hav a TV, i had as much time to read. even now i read, but that takes my sleeping hour a bit too far, streching the same in my ofice timings ;)))
good blog u hav got here.
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