Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Am I Good Enough

After nearly three months of struggling with the 'misplaced modifiers' , 'parallel constructions' and realising that what sounds right is not always actually right, I am finally through the ordeal. Yet another test taken. Yet another result obtained.

For most of us, all our life is a big test, made up of small sectionals. A constant struggle to prove something to someone who matters and who has the power to decide our future. From the dreaded admission in standard one (about which parents are more concerned than the kid) to the subsequent half yearlies and finals that follow, peppered generously with the class tests; from the entrance examinations for the country's premier universities to the quizzes, majors and minors in college which by their sheer frequency and number lose their significance over a period of time; tests define what we are , often separating us from who we are, for its the former which becomes more important in the scheme of things. Things really get tricky when you do something to prove a point to yourself. You then dont have any fallback. You dont have anyone to blame for being judgemental. To me its the toughest test. To be able to stand in front of yourself successfully, without any guilt, knowing that you would never have to face the 'what if' question.

And then there are the other not so well known tests, individualistic in nature and varying from person to person. Tests which have no fixed judges, no fixed formula for success and at times no clear result. These are the tests that we face day in day out. The self doubts, the internal conflicts, which test our very nature and our relationship with the people we interact everyday.

There's so much to do, so many tests to be taken. And here I am drifting through life. At one moment confused of my direction, at the other, happy to be what I am. At the end of the day I just hope I can stand tall in front of myself.

Hum kis gali jaa rahe hain ....
apna koi thikana nahi
armaanon ki anjuman me
besud hain apni lagan me
apna koi fasaana nahi ...
- from Atif Aslam's Hum Kis Gali Jaa Rahe Hain

Just about sums up my life at this point of time. Atif sings soulfully to put it very simply.


Shreyas said...

well its funny you should say all this...i mean no one is really sure of where everything is going. the other day i was thinking what if someone knew where this all is going, and i thot what would he do then???
i guess the whole point of this construction called life is to live pointlessly trying to prove a point.

anonymous coward said...

i sometimes, like the coders above that we are constantly trying to prove a point, whether to others or to ourselves.

life would be pretty drab if people didnt try to aim for the impossible and give it their all to get it. the sense of accomplishment is best reward that one can get!!

cathatfished said...

i was right about the redemption theme then :)
but i wish i wish i Wish u were happier when u wrote this!! u shd have been, by all rights.. u've just set yourself up for what promises to be a very fulfilling journey :))

CaliguliminiX said...

I heard this recently, "Don't be a football for other people's opinion". Just thought I'll share it with you.

cathatfished said...

sure u are :) do u doubt it?
just a little faith..

Atish said...

@cathatfished.. :)